Jul 311 min read

Yesterday

By Carol Collins

Content warning: death

I experienced my first personal cancer loss yesterday. I was supposed to be celebrating my 2-year NED yesterday. I was supposed to be celebrating a friend’s birthday.

I received a text message that a very dear friend had passed, his battle with cancer is now over. Survivor guilt kicked in immediately. He has a wife and teenage daughter. His family doesn’t deserve this. He was only diagnosed a year ago.

I am telling my brain that it’s not my fault, I can’t control cancer! My heart is broken for his family.

My mind is overwhelmed, I am at a loss for words to truly express my emotions. I feel numb but want to scream at the same time.

I… just don’t know how to process.

My two-year NED date was yesterday, I am thrilled to be 730 days free of cancer.

My oldest friend celebrated her birthday yesterday, Happy Birthday Jackie!

We lost an amazing human yesterday. I will carry our memories with me.

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