By MJ Lorenzo
Routine…
No big deal
I know the drill
Long pause, more pause…
Double take, retake.
Multiple expressions questionable.
They ask for more…
Marching orders
From here to there
Waiting rooms start to feel the same
All just poker faces
following protocol.
The phone rings
My heart stops
Irregular beats
Tunneled sounds
A blurred vision
Envelops me.
The voice on the other end
Penetrates the news
A maddening repeat
Running with tears
Uncontrollably…
Closed in
Worse fear
Can’t breathe…
…Can’t breathe
Stop…just stop
I plead through ‘what if’s’…
Can I just wake up?
Can I go back?
Did I get lost somewhere along the way?
I stumble
And fall hard
Feeling so betrayed
Anger rises,
Confusion is on the other end
I went in as one,
And now have a team.
Consults and decisions
Medical terms and options
Am I clear on everything?
Buffet style choices
The load is too heavy
I don’t belong here
My flesh screams ‘Why me’?
Everyone and thing
Continues on, continues on
As I am left here…frozen.
A whirlwind year
Of hard transformations
Out of the storm
I am finally set free.
There is a light to my path now
I hear no other voices
Yet another test waits at the corner.
No time to mourn what was lost
-A bigger test
As the world stumbles
can’t breathe-again
Can’t. Breathe.
A year of loss
Followed by more loss…
The fear I thought had me
I rebuke with promises.
Armed with truth
My journey is filled with only hope...
A great reset
I am stronger
With every step.
You carried me…
Through every storm,
…You carry me.
At my worse
Your strength revealed
Out of my darkness
Your light shines.
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