By Susan Marshall
1. You are allowed to feel and act whiny, tired and pathetic (unless you want to be heroic and stoic, which is fine too). In fact, you are allowed to act and feel however you want. If ever there was a time for not editing your feelings, that time is now. Make the most of it!
2. If people offer to help, gracefully accept if you think it will actually help, otherwise suggest they do something else. “Come round and vacuum my home, anyone?” (Nope – no one ever offers that.) Then thank everyone for everything profusely. Unless you don’t feel like it (see above). Don’t expect them to keep doing it. Once may be all you get. Be grateful.
3. If no one’s offering help, then ask. The worst they can do is say no and then you never have to speak to them again.
4. Yes, your hair will grow back – but boy does it still suck. And new boobs – well, that’s a whole post on its own.
5. The medical definition of “urgent” (e.g. appointments, test scheduling, results) may well be different from yours. No, really! Scanxiety is a thing. Forget about being patient – go straight to distractions; rubbish TV, trashy novels, carbs (plenty of those – it’s only temporary). Wine (but not too much – you don’t want a scanxiety hangover as well).
6. Or – other options – super healthy foods, yoga, breathing. Anything that works for you. Swing wildly between the two extremes if you like. This will confuse your brain and endocrine system and make it harder to sit and panic.
7. On receiving “helpful” advice from people who’ve never been where you are – smile and wave.
8. As much as possible, rest. And more rest. Did I mention resting?
9. Some of your very bestest, bestest friends and family members will be terrified out of their wits and ghost you as they run for the hills. Try to forgive them – but if you can’t, then you’re allowed to feel as hurt and angry as you like (see 1. above). Just try not to put it in writing to them. They may come back at some point. It’s up to you if you want to accept that.
10. When you feel totally furious about the whole thing and need to express it – go for it. Pillows are useful – you can cry or scream into them or thump them. Stomp around. Throw rolled-up socks at a wall. Find a rage room where you can pay to go and break stuff. Make yourself a playlist of rage music. Write furious letters to cancer, any medical staff you don’t like, the aforementioned best friends and family, etc. (but DON’T SEND THEM). And don’t kick the cat. Or your partner if you have one – (don’t take down your team). Otherwise whatever works.
11. Ok – well, this is a bonus 11th top tip – and possibly the most important – if anyone ever, under any circumstances, offers you a warm blanket – just say yes!
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