By Susan Thomas
What my body has endured over the last 9 months has been incredible.
Chemicals have been injected into me – killing everything in its path, including every single body hair. Every single one. Depleting me of my self-confidence, my energy, my light.
The nausea and constant tiredness. The brain fog.
The tears. The rage. The anger. The sadness.
The silent tears and the constant pushing myself to take another step forward. Hiding the pain on some days.
My gums have bled, my stomach has ached, and my heart has broken, over and over again.
The endless procedures, MRIs, and CT scans. Veins have collapsed, my arms have felt like pincushions and my hands and feet have tingled and legs have cramped.
The fears that came with surgery and the further disappointment and heartbreak of having to return to surgery. The countless doctor visits and overwhelming task of medical bills, follow ups and admin.
Then the final chapter of this journey – driving daily for radiation treatment, lying there feeling overwhelmed breathing through a snorkel whilst this huge machine moves around you – and feeling no pain – wandering if anything is actually happening. Is the cancer truly gone…?
Slowly my body is recovering, my light is returning. My hair is growing. I am learning that who I am is not who I see in the mirror. I am more than that.
I am grateful.
I am grateful for my amazing children, my husband, my family, my friends, an amazing medical team and medical facilities. The opportunity to be able to afford medical aid.
I am grateful that things no longer taste like metal, for funny memes and encouraging messages – for small moments of joy – be it that cup of morning coffee, an unexpected phone call, a feel good song on the radio or a chance to ride my bicycle again. I am grateful I get to make more memories.
I am grateful for this path and the stronger person I am coming out of this.
I choose to not live in the past. I choose for this to only have been a chapter of my life – but not the whole story.
Connect with Susan on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susanjaynethomas_
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