By Triona Lonergan
There’s so much information,
on what to do and say.
“You’re strong,” “You got this,” “You’ll be fine.”
I hear it every day.
I try to be compliant.
I appreciate the care.
Things happen for a reason, right?
I know that you are there.
But I feel that I’m indebted,
that the care comes with a price.
And if I don’t accept your words,
I’m just not being nice.
See, it wasn’t meant the way I thought.
I take things the wrong way.
and I shouldn’t be offended,
by the exact words that you say.
I’ve learned to read between the lines.
And interpret what you mean.
So that I can truly get your point,
While I remain unseen.
But now I’d like to take the mic,
I know you’ve done your best.
Blue ribbons will be handed out,
You won, you passed the test!
See, I don’t want words of wisdom,
or the positive cliché.
Please just pause, and stop to listen
To what I have to say.
My body has betrayed me.
I hate who I’ve become.
My systems do not function.
They no longer sync as one.
I don’t have pain or symptoms.
It manifests in thoughts so clear.
My emotions just take over.
You see anger, I feel fear
I just want to say the things I feel.
And let emotion flow.
I don’t need for you to comfort me.
I just want to let it go.
And if I cry or contradict,
don’t take that as a slight.
I know you are supportive,
it just doesn’t mean it’s right.
Invisible and silent!
How does that become your fate?
And though others have gone through it
Our journeys don’t relate.
I’ll still make it easy for you.
Explain and hold your hand.
So that I meet you where it works for you…
As you can’t meet me where I am.
I will be fine, just like you said.
Because I am so strong!
And you can say, “I told you!”
You knew it all along!!
Now I thank you, and I’m sorry.
God, I wish that you could see.
In every fiber of my being
It’s only happening to me.
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